Scarred
by saint2sinners
Summary: kakairu.When you handle confidential scrolls,know details about shinobi graduates and manage the village's traps,it's important you be protected from any real and current threats.It's the wrong pain in the ass however when job's given to your bastard ex..
1. Prolouge

Author note: I know I'm supposed to be working on Desperate times (and I have been!) but the stories two siblings jumped me and are holding desperate time's chapter 1 hostage until I start them. My exams are almost finished so I will have lots more time to write and will work on all three. But here's the prologue of the first of my two new stories.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sucks really.

Dedicated to Nayru-kleinfee for finishing 'Your wish is my command" (an awesome story…go read it now…ok in 5 min) and pointing me in the direction of a neat yoai site. Thanks.

**Prologue: **

"Did you know, while it takes less than a pound of pressure to pierce a civilian's skin, we ninja's have been using chakra to enhance ourselves for so long that we've subconscious have infused a layer of chakra into the epidermis making it harder to pierce?"

Iruka let his head drop back to the wood of the table. After so many hours with the noose he knew better then to miss this free moment to rest the torn inner muscle of his neck. His cheast heaved as he fought for deeper breathes, stuggling and lungs squeezing in agony but now that the noose was off he needed to rest it to prevent more damage to the muscles and airway incase something else was done to it in this session. After the deeper carvings today he didn't feel the light cut of the blade as it slide a centimeter under his nipple, the feather thin blade creating a pain as fine and sharp as a paper cut. He almost dismissed the voice, ignored it out of sheer stubborn will but by now knew better. This man didn't like being ignored and it just wasn't worth it anymore, such a small thing.

"What this does is make the carving more difficult. Things become even more complicated when you take into account the fact that as the infusion is generally unconscious, it is uneven and the density and moderation of chakra changes and so one has to be very careful about the force and depths of one's cuts."

He slowly lifted his wrist and the skin pulled up with the blade and gently, tenderly he began to cut away the newest strip. Iruka let out a low breathy groan, it was the only sound he could still make really, he hadn't been able to scream for two days and since he no longer breathed without pain he wasn't sure he would scream even if he still could.

The man sighed, looking over the piece of skin balanced on the tip of the blade, "It truly is an art."

Nausea began to bubble and build in him as the hands that had been cutting – skinning- him for the past hour lay gently over the newest even hole in his fleash and his captor's chakra began to pour into him, healing the flesh over, regrowning the: skin smooth and new. It fealt cold, icy and stung as though waking his body from a long, late sleep and Iruka, a man of warmth and light dispised it all the more.

The coolness of the unwanted hand numbed the wounds for him, soaked along his flesh and gave into the itching burn only moments later. Then followed the now familiar throbbing ache and the pain focused and throbbed all the more for every moment his eyes stayed tight and shut.

The hand came dragging up his neck to stoke his hair away from his face and throught slit opened eyes, water logged with tears, he could make out the bleary waterfall of black he had come to identify with this man with. That and the soft, achingly gentle voice. Sometimes it seemed he could only hear the love in that voice. Near worship even. He wasn't sure yet if that made things worse.

The waterfall of black fell to cloak him, wrap him against the bright, controlled light of the subterranean room he hissed when he felt the soft hair fall loose against his side, feeling like claws to the new skin. Lips touched tenderly on his forehead.

"You were so good today Pet. So very good." The fingers danced around his face, mapping the features as they circled his eyes, "You didn't let any of them fall today, I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I hated making you cry little love."

Iruka squeezed his eyes closed at the words and tried to move away but both pain and restraints stopped him. Another more lingering kiss to his temple came before the feel of the hair lifted and the hand once again ran down his neck and body, skirting over the small cloth that had been laid across his groin for modesty, the touch holding no modesty within those exploring fingers.

"You know, the first time I saw you love the first thing I noticed about you was your skin. You and your gennin friends were playing in a river near the city my mission was based and it just glowed in the sunlight."

The hand rested for only a moment on his ankle before it gave a pat and pulled away.

He sighed, "Isn't it wonderful we could remove all those horrible scars running your beautiful skin my Heart?"

The bell was rung and he could hear the steps of others coming to take him away. "But not to worry pet, tomorrow when you're not so tender I'll start to mark you as mine, and when that has healed we can fix your back."

Iruka opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling and two great tears, made of the build up of his eyes' watering fell down his cheeks into the cups of his ears, the only place for them to go while he was on his back. It helped blunt his hearing a little for a moment but not long enough as he fought through it to hear once again.

He could see the shapes and shadows of the others at the door out the corner of his eyes and as the man approached, no doubt to fit him with the chakra-restraints, he could see the red haired woman move off into the corner of the room to fix his sedative.

"Take Iruka to his room feed him a light broth. He should fall asleep soon so prepare his bed and bathe him in the morning and be careful with him, he should be feeling rather tender right now and I want the nerves to heal properly so he can feel the full affects of tomorrow's celebration."

The cup with the drug was held to his lips and he swallowed greedy for it, knowing the foul taste and hot-cold mix of the liquid would bring him numbness and sleep. The much larger of the two servants, a man named Toshi picked him up with a feather light grip and began carrying him out of the room, he could see the other begin to disrobe and lay herself on the table.

They were stopped at the door and as the medical daze began to settle over his mind he felt a pair of plush lips touch his gently and heard a whisper in his ear, "Sleep well my Heart, and trust your Kiyoshi-sama to take care of you."

They walked out the door and the corridor was colder then the room with the table and the last thing he knew was the feeling of his skin heating as he heard woman's screams begin. And then there was nothing.

End prologue

Comments? Opinions? Advice? Reviews make me happy…please make me happy 


	2. Chapter 1 History

Author note: You guys rock. I mean totally rock. Totally and completely. I was so happy to get so many reviews and am sorry this took so long to get up. Kakashi wasn't cooperating. Something about enforced celibacy till later chapters and you know how he can whine.

Second: Does anyone know the official names for Kakashi's ninkin; I need them for the story but haven't been able to find any except Pakkun?

Third: Finally I've been getting a lot of praise for how angsty the story is. I don't do angst but I do dark story catalysts very well. Don't expect no angst but don't expect a lot. I will put in where it works but I don't generally like angst so won't intentially litter the story with it. It would depress me. This is just to say sorry and hope I don't disappoint anyone.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sucks really.

Dedicated to Durgas_Dragon for favorable bachelor. One of the best in character Kakashi's I've seen.

**Chapter 1: **

The day Asuma got back from his first Anbu mission he received a congratulatory hug from his father, the first kiss on his cheek from Kurenai and muddy stains on his favorite sheets from his new captains ugly mutt.

Pakkun was restless, waiting for him when he walked into the room and in less than twenty words had managed to insult the confused look on his face, mock him for the woman's scent on his cheek and demand he follow before jumping on the now open and disarmed window sill and diving through the window.

After a few minutes they reached the nondescript apartment a few buildings away known only as the Jounin block and Pakkun led him to a particular door on the top floor, his long nails click clacking on the concrete floors and steps, before scratching lightly at its base. He heard a soft scratch on the wooden floors inside before the door swung open and two of the other dogs stared forlornly up at him. One was as big as a cow and near tears and the other only slightly larger then Pakkun with sleep eyes and a tattooed or dyed mark on his forehead's fur. Until then he hadn't known dogs could stare forlornly.

He made his way into the small one room apartment inching his way around dogs of various size and shape, all gazing sadly and expectantly at him before reaching the kitchen counter over a dozen eyes following his movements. He made his way around the small protruding block of wood towards the steady lilting murmuring he could hear coming from the other side. What greeted him was his captain, still hurt, still bloodied and stranger than anything, bare faced. The silver haired captain was curled up in the only empty corner in the small apartment clutching at a framed team photo, holding it to his chest like a shield and his blank eyes staring ahead. There was a lilting sing song melody dancing gently from his breath.

The realization set in before his cigarette had even hit the ground.

Not only was Dog, captain of the Anbu, _the_ Sharingan Kakashi, but Sharingan Kakashi was _kid_! A damn kid who couldn't have been more than sixteen or seventeen years old!

He shook himself out of the shock and tried to place himself in the line of sight of those unseeing eyes, slowly crouching down, hearing the slow, careful tap tap of claws behind him as one of the dogs stood took a step towards him.

"Kakashi…" Asuma softly called and leant forward, his left hand to reach for the boy's arm but before he could touch him he felt a pressure of a wet spot on the back of his neck and was firmly and instantly ripped back by his collar. He turned to face one of the dogs, the one with bandages, now with a piece of his torn collar in its mouth, a few meters back from his previous spot. He glowered at the dog.

"What the _hell-"_

He didn't get anything else out because he felt warmth spreading along his left wrist and the biggest dog started whining at staring at his arm. He looked down at it to see the stream of blood starting to drip and pour from his wrist and down to wet his pants.

Kakashi had opened Asuma's veins without him even feeling the slice. Hell, looking down at the kunai cut he still didn't feel it. He'd been staring right at him and didn't see him move.

The murmuring was so constant that Asuma had stopped paying attention to it and during the attack it hadn't changed in the slightest. Now however, as he looked back at the copy-nin child, he noticed it stop as those blank eyes turned to him taking in his wrist and then his hitae then his wrist again. Silently and calmly the copy-nin got up walked across to a medical cabinet above a nearby sink and pull out some items. Asuma stood watching him tense and cautious.

Kakashi came back and carefully put the picture down on the neighboring counter before turning to Asuma and pinching above the wound, cutting the blood flow off with iron fingers and stopping the bleeding. He used a small green hand cloth to wipe the blood off the arm before applying a salve and cloth all with one hand.

"Captain, are you alright."

He put the salve down before pulling a bandage from one of his pockets and started wrapping Asuma's wrist tightly.

"Kakashi…Kakashi, do you hear me?"

The bandage was tied down efficiently before he let go of Asuma, the cloth and salve doing their job to prevent more bleeding for now but Asuma would still probably need stitches later. Come home from Anbu without a scratch and now he needed stitches in the middle of the damn village. His brother was never going to let him hear the end of this.

"Dammit it Dog! Talk to me!"

The copy-nin picked up the picture and moved back to his corner before sitting and curling in to his previous position with almost no difference from before he moved. Obviously he knew what most the most comfortable way to hide away in his corner. After a few minutes Asuma heard him begin to hum again, and this time Asuma could hear the short repetitive melody form the beginning. There was something achingly familiar and unbelievably heart breaking about it but Asuma couldn't quite peg down what it should be with the cracked and strained throat it was coming from.

He sighed before turning back to the dogs and speaking directly to Pakkun, "Watch him, I'm gonna need help with this."

He turned to leave the apartment though the nearest window but the dog with sunglasses quickly jumped up to block him and nudged him towards the front door instead. He nodded understanding his carelessness, of course the window wouldn't be safe. The dogs were thinking clearer then he was right now. Asuma turned for the door and left to find the help he needed.

Asuma knew Genma should be at a nearby bar. "De-briefing" Genma called it, slutting Asuma would have countered. The senbon sucker had invited him along, and hopefully he wouldn't have to drag the horny bastard from someone's bed. The trickier one would be finding Gai, it was amazingly easy to loose a man in bright green tights in the village - usually on purpose - but he'd try the man's apartment or tell Genma to send one of his hawks to look.

Asuma jumped the rail to the next roof finding it faster than stairs and roads. He thought about what he'd seen as he ran. So this is why everyone retired from Anbu so young.

In the end it had taken all three of them to subdue Kakashi enough to get him to the hospital and taken care of. As soon as Gai dropped his weights he could out match Kakashi's speed allowing Asuma to lure him from the corner and distract Kakashi long enough for Gai to use his full speed to get in behind the boy to restrain him. Then Asuma carefully but firmly held still his head giving Genma the chance to subdue him with a senbon to the neck.

The nurses at the hospital sedated Kakashi long enough to treat his wounds and get some liquid in him and the next morning Asuma's father had patiently waited for the boy to wake before leading him off somewhere to talk. He'd pushed his father for some more information only to be told that sometimes we need forgiveness from our ghosts. In few years, soon after Sadaime's death, Asuma would finally understand.

Later that night however, covered in flakes of Kakashi's dried blood and nursing a few more cuts and a broken shoulder, he had found out he had been wrong. According to his father just a few hours earlier Kakashi had turned eighteen. All alone in that cold kitchen. He knew the song had been familiar, you sung it to children.

*****

Asuma was starting to worry. He had only seen his friend like this once before and considering the broken shoulder the last time had gifted him, he had started to worry about Kakashi's state of mind while on this mission. It had been at least a few hours since he had seen Kakashi move in their small base camp and for once the copy-nin wasn't doing well with the waiting – there was no orange book in sight.

They'd had no choice in the matter though. Pakkun had made it very clear that under no circumstances could Asuma let Kakashi follow the rest of the team or join the search. His worry was clogging up the dogs noses too much and making them useless and jumpy. Bad enough the pack leader argued, the pups were worried enough about the sensei themselves.

There was a taunteness to Kakashi's body. A strained edge of the knife on the counter, tipping over the side and it had been there since the mission briefing last week. Seven days, ever since they had found out that Iruka had disappeared while on the way back from a simple B-rank escort mission. His team mates had remained unassulted, let alone unharmed… a very bad sign.

According to the report the two other Chunin that were with him had been setting up the camp while he set a few traps in the surrounding area and after a while when he hadn't come back went looking for him. In the end they couldn't find any trace of him and all the traps were set and armed except one that hadn't been completed and looked to be missing some parts.

They raced home on chunin legs and alerted the gate guard and two sentences in the Anbu who had arrived took off for the tower to alert Ibiki and the Godaime. Ibiki had called for the chunin to be lead to the Interrogation offices and sent out two Anbu scouts. They returned after he had finished pressing the Chunin with confirmation that the two were telling the truth. As far as Asuma knew there hadn't been any real torture, just Ibiki's specialty of mental manipulation. Ibiki reported to the Godaime and she had then sent their small squad out.

They reached the site and after searching had found no blood, tacks or charka trails but pinned high up in the shadow of a tree's fork by a small spiked gear, had been a thick tuft of coarse, white animal hair. Pakkun said the gear had smelled of Iruka-sensei, a day or so old and growled that the hair was some big cat. He murmured to Kakashi and within moments the full pack was out and off hunting the charka scent on the hair.

Kakashi's probably shouldn't have come with the rest of them but he'd fallen back to his Anbu persona, cold and professional in front of the Godaime, getting into the office when no one was looking and once she'd thought she was dealing with Dog and not Kakashi, she'd allowed him on the team.

'_Kakashi still wasn't over the Iruka, he won't be thinking clearly'_, they tried.

'_He ended the relationship, they needed his dogs for this'_, she argued.

After a week they were still searching and still following winding and misleading trails through forest and field. They'd reached a fork in the scents; both going in two directions, both the exact same age and when Pakkun couldn't choose between the two the first sign of the cracks in Kakashi's mask began to find purchase. In turn Genma had been getting more worried and stressed as well, which was wearing him out and Ibiki just seemed to be worried.

Asuma breathed deep and held the sharp burn in his lungs for a moment, listening to the surroundings and always keeping one eye on his friend. He returned to his thoughts.

Every now and again Ibiki would pull of to the side with the Anbu, Horse, and one of the three of his interrogation squad underlings that were in the quickly assembled team. Therer would be murmuring of orders between the three, stirrings of something going on he didn't know and Genma would look at him with question in his eyes. Konoha tried to get their own back when they could but not like this, not this kind of retrieval. The underling would disappear into the trees and one of the other's who had been missing for a day or two would be back with news and to take the missing one's place.

On the sixth day of their search the latest return, a woman with stitching in her arms and cheeks, returned with information muttered in code to Ibiki who'd smirked briefly before calling them over and told them the direction they should be searching in, more confident then any of them had felt in the time since the fork.

A few hours later the dogs had picked up a trace of Iruka himself that was old but still had a pocket hint of copper in Pakkun's nose and the moment he mentioned the blood Kakashi's mask cracked even more and the scent of his worry began causing the dogs problems.

Since then Asuma found himself sitting across from Kakashi, braced to stop him from running off and trading worried glances with the dog with glasses. He's thigh was starting to cramp too.

A few hours later after making a lunch the other hadn't even noted and forcing him to drink some tea the dog jumped up and looked to the east, slightly off from the direction everyone had disappeared to. Asuma tensed and got his knives on his hands and looked to Kakashi to find the man up and braced with his own weapons before blinking and shifting to the most uncomfortable, tensed slump Asuma had ever seen him attempt.

Moments later the dogs came bursting form the trees, heads low and whining with excitement, unable to hold still as they snuffled the ground at their masters feet, exhausted. Genma followed them almost collapsing at the knees, with lungs burning the need for air and Asuma quickly passed him his unfinished tea. The brunette tossed it back before gasping and speaking at the same time.

"W-We found him! Ab-about a ni-night's run. Vi-Village to the the- towards rock. Ibiki waiting wi-"

The man babbled on a second but his audience had shrunk. Pakkun was already leading Kakashi off in the direction the dogs had come by. The others popped into nothingness around them. They'd been running all day and if they had to fight, needed rest. They could be summoned in the morning wherever their master was. Pakkun was made for these long non-stop hunts, despite his appearance.

Asuma tensed and swore knowing that he'd never catch up to Dog at full speed and that he needed to erase the signs of their small camp. He heard guzzling from beside him and saw Genma frantically tossing back what water was left in the tea pot. Alright, Genma might need a few minutes to get his breath back to. They just had to hope Pakkun wouldn't lead Kakashi straight into a fight without waiting for the rest of them.

He relaxed a little then. What was he thinking, grumpy annoying little bastard he may be, the dog was also deathly responsible and riddled with comment sense. Still it wouldn't hurt to hurry.

******

Iruka awoke to pain and fingers running gently though his hair…

AN: It's my birthday soon. I'd really really really really like reviews for my birthday…please…


	3. Chapter 2 Present

"Did you know, while it takes less than a pound of pressure to pierce a civilian's skin, we ninja's have been using chrakra for so long to enhance ourselves that we subconsciously infuse our skin with chakra

Author note: …ssshhh…I'm hiding… O.O Thanks for review guys but my life depends on sneaking right now…

sneak sneak CRUNCH sneak sneak… shinobi I ain't…stupid twigs…

sneaks in, looks around to make sure coast is clear… gentle and quietly places chapter down … FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESS

**Chapter 2: **

Iruka awoke to pain and fingers running gently though his hair.

He groaned and his back twinged as he turned, stretching. The movement caused the fingers to pause for a brief heartbeat and then, once he was settled, they again took up their tender, constant stroking as his eyes drifted open to take in Kakashi's blue and red ones.

"Hey there sleepy, guess I was a little rough on you last night, hmm?"

The man had this gentle little smile on his face and softness to his eyes that Iruka rarely saw in him. With it something deep down in Iruka just melted into goo and for a second he could believe Kakashi might love him too.

Last night had been _'…wow…'_

He'd come home late and frazzled, having had to sort out a mess of papers when two of the other office chunnin crashed into each other from around a corner, sending two once-well-ordered piles of paper flying and mixing. _I mean for god sake, these were supposed to be chunnin!_

Then when he walked into his home and saw Kakashi perched on his couch reading, he'd almost cried. They'd only been dating for roughly four months excluding mission time and he was still terrified of screwing this up. I mean, this was _Hatake Kakashi_! It was a miracle that the man had agreed to start dating him in the first place; if he screwed things up he would never get a second chance on this.

Iruka had immediately turned to grab his shoes again to go get some dinner or ingredients or something but by the time he was hopping the one shoe on, exhausted down to his teeth, Kakashi was pulling it off and leading him over to the table. Soon the jounin was making dinner and Iruka was just too tired to protest too hard. He'd eaten the delicious meal with a sleepy sort of gusto and before he could think of a way to entertain the other, Kakashi was already leading him into the bed room; peeling his clothes off as he walked and laying him out on the bed as if he was made of glass.

He expected his lover to join him but then heard water in the bathroom running and when he was finally shaken from his light doze it was to be lifted and taken to the bathroom for a good soak, his back leaning against Kakashi's hard, scarred chest as he suffered from a sever case of Puppy Syndrome, as his father used to call it. Full belly, sleepy head. It was a bit awkward because he was built bigger than Kakashi and took some wiggling for both to get comfortable, but after, it was perfect.

Relaxing in the bath against Kakashi ended too soon when the water cooled and he was gently jostled back to bed, yawning, naked and looking up at the bare face smiling down at him and feeling more thoroughly spoilt then he had in a long, long time. Iuka sat up on his elbow so he was closer to the man leaning over him and whispered a thank you, smiling and cupping his hand to Kakashi's cheek even as he snuggled deeper into his blanket.

It must have triggered something because first Kakashi's eyes went wide with surprise and then something else and then man had practically pounced him. Before he even registered it had happened all bets were off as Iruka was most definitely forced awake and kept up for the rest of the night.

Kami, it was going to be so embarrassing buying more condoms from the chemist down the road so soon. They were going to think he has a sex fiend because of this. 'This' of course meaning more than just lying side by side, naked and his drawer _once again_ empty of said prophylactics. _'Stupid too sexy for his own good horny-ass-jounin.'_

A nose was nuzzling his ear and breathe whispered across it, chuckling at the sudden pink tinge to his skin. "How about some breakfast hmm? Otherwise I think I just might have to eat _you_ up again."

'_Shit._'

It was the only thing to shoot through Iruka's head then as he scrambled to think of what there might be that he could quickly make with what was left in his kitchen; he'd planned to go shopping after class today. He shifted and froze at the sudden kunai that must have been lodged in his spine. That was the only thing he could think of that would make it hurt just that much and he should know from experience, _'oh this is going to- shitshitshitshitshit…'_

He got as far as to sit upright before an arm wrapped around him and stopped him from going further. Behind him was the sound of pillows being fluffed and then piled up and he was gently pushed back to lean against that pile sitting almost upright.

When he looked again Kakashi was grinning at him with that soft little smile thing he did sometimes and he spoke, leaving the tingle of a light kiss on Iruka's chest, right above his heart, "That eager to not get eaten huh? You relax Ruru; I'll bring breakfast in here."

The chunin started getting up himself, ignoring that damn stupid nickname as usual, and groping on the floor for some pants. When he had found a pair Iruka forced himself up again slowly, wincing hidden from the other man, moving to crawl out of the bed. There was no way in hell he could let Kakashi make breakfast. What would the man think? What if he thought Iruka wanted him to do it all the time? Why bother with a needy, nobody chunnin then? He was a big boy; he could deal with a little- '_LOT_'- of pain.

"I-it's fine, you rest, I'll just go make some breakfast now. I-I can make some pancakes or maybe some eggs and bacon. Which do you prefer? Or I can make both if you want me …"

He's words drifted off at the expression on Kakashi's face. It was still early; Iruka could do it and still make class.

"It's ok Ruru, I don't mind. You relax for your class and I'll make breakfast for you. You can make it up to me another time hmm?" he answered as a long fingered hand landed on his hip, rubbing small circles on his bare skin with fingertips and despite the empty condom draw and the kunai in his back, he still shivered, wanting, at that touch. Even if the touch felt slightly placed, and Iuka knew that was never a good sign when dealing with Jounin.

Kakashi had tried to lighten what he said with a smile at the end but Iruka wilted a little at the crescent-eye grin. It wasn't the soft one and although it looked as real as usual, even without the mask, somewhere deep down in him he knew his lover was annoyed.

God Iruka had screwed up, he'd let the man do everything last night and now…now Kakashi felt obligated and was getting annoyed and – god he couldn't screw this up. His heart refused to let him with every twitch and beat and glowing warmth it felt for and because of the masked nin.

"No no it's ok. I'll be fine," he tried to move against the hand on his hip but although it looked loose the damn thing was like steel, keeping him gently pinned to the bed. "Really I've got almost two hours to class and I can run, I'll be fine."

There was a long pause as Kakashi looked at him, expecting, needing something and then the arm released him but didn't move as the copy nin reached down to pick up his mask. He had it on and adjusted with a practiced ease that wasn't reflected in the tenseness Iruka could see running down his back; an omen as bad as a rung funeral bell and just as final. Kakashi never put on his mask unless someone had arrived or he was leaving. And Iruka couldn't sense anyone at the doors or windows of his parent's house.

Trying to salvage a bad situation even as his heart began to beat faster Iruka tied again, "And-and I mean…I can make us dinner tonight, your favorite. I'll just run out for stuff during my lunch break, it'll be ok and if I rush I can even get some of that sake you like from Minata's store…you know to apologize for last ni-"

He would have finished but Kakashi's shoulders had actually twitched at the word 'apologize' and after a moment more of tense muscles down his back and shoulders, the man seemed to wilt a little. When he turned back to Iruka his face was solemn and hard with an acceptance Iruka couldn't understand, didn't want to understand. That something in Iruka that had been goo just a few minutes earlier hardened in a half a heat beat, cold and cracking at the edges in fear as the other man sighed, almost defeated.

"Or maybe I can-…"

"Enough Iruka, it's enough. I…," he sighed again, "Iruka we need to talk…"

Later he was still sitting naked in bed, his alarm long since gone off. Kakashi had spoken and left and Iruka hadn't said a word. He didn't really know if he could speak right now…he wasn't thinking, at least he thought he wasn't.

He just loosely stared at the glass of water and aspirin Kakashi had fetched for him and placed next to the bed before collecting a few of his things from around the house and leaving. He'd even said he would send a note to the academy that Iruka wouldn't be in and some desperate, distant part of Iuka's mind, striving for some semblance of normalcy, wondered what it would say. Heartache didn't quite qualify as a valid sick day excuse.

'_It should.'_

The next day Iruka was quiet and back to work, smiling an empty smile and so uncharacteristically distracted even the Jounin who brought in missions behaved themselves. Eventually Tsunade and Ibiki had both sent him back home with orders to rest and an excuse no one believed that he must be coming down with a flu or some other bug. As he left one or two people who'd heard commented among themselves and most of his friends stopped him at some point to question if he was alright, but what broke through the shocked denial and crashed reality around his ears the most was his afternoon 'visitors'.

At a quarter to four, Bull and Mugen showed up at his door. As soon as he opened the door Bull immediately knocked him over in an attempt to rub against him and began howling that he didn't want to leave and was running away and could he please stay here. As for Mugen, his sharp eyes and teeth showing how hurt and angry his tanned self was, demanding to know why Iruka hadn't kicked Kakashi's ass until the stupid-ass jounin took it back and does Iruka need them to do it for him since he's only a chunin, cause they will no matter what bossy-ass-Pakkun says.

Listening to them and smiling at their actions Iruka felt the thing in him crack bigger and wider and by the time he had given them all the treats left in the -_his_- house, they'd both calmed down. He sent them back home, to the small apartment with no garden and a man that meant everything. He'd gotten a promise to tell the others he was sorry and that he would always love them all. Then he went to the long, covered porch running along the length of the back of his inherited house and started piling up the mass of dog's beds, bowels, toys and cushions to put them in the storage shed, not quite ready to give them away.

As he had gotten the last one on the pile he looked around desperate for something else to do, something that wouldn't mean it was now real and really over. There was nothing and now there was nothing to stop him being trapped there on that porch as in his minds eye he saw himself and Kakashi sprawled against each other in the mid summer heat, home made lemonade on the porch, and a host of too hot but energetic dogs complaining to their affectionately flippant owner about only getting cold water and not lemonade.

He had felt the crack deep inside earlier yes, but nothing prepared him for this, this _thing_ inside shattering and cutting him with every shard. It's broken pieces without a word, without a thought, turning in again and stabbing together to create something entirely new before he even got the next breath. Horse cries and streaming tears finally getting their chance his body had been waiting for him to give and the anger and offense and what looked very much like it could be hate settling in.

Then after, when he sat quiet and exhausted and couldn't get himself to move, ignoring Kotetsu's nervous flicker of chakra as he stood unseen on the roof with some supper for his friend. Only then could he find a way to cope with what he had lost, the potential of what he could have had in his life. He sealed it off, separated it from himself for later when he could take it out and break again when he didn't have classes and reports and worried people to worry about. He'd make it black and hard and so very angry instead of this constant growing, flowing hurt. Then he could cope.

It would be fine. If he was careful, except for the odd glimpse or passing in the street he would never have to see the bastard again.

XXXX

Iruka awoke to pain and fingers running gently though his hair.

He groaned and his ribs twinged as he tried to turn, feeling wrong against the chest he was being pressed against. He didn't get far. The movement caused the fingers to pause for a brief heartbeat and then, once he was settled, they again took up their tender, constant stroking as his eyes drifted open to hurt and pain and a dry stiffness even in his throat as he lay there. Sometime as he slept feeling had found its way back to his body and now that spreading lingering sensation that his skin was on fire and tearing lines onto once scarred patches that were now smooth as a new canvas forced him to wake up. Excruciating pain will do that to you. What made it worse was struggling to open his eyes and finding he was not alone.

When he finally managed to get them open he whimpered at what the stabbing pain a vision of pure white light did to his eyes; so tired and inflamed that it took them ungodly long to focus on what was right in front of him. Even then the constant bee-like drone in his ears continued, a symphonic accompaniment to the pain dancing through his body. He swallowed down all sensations like a shinobi should and tried to get past it and take in where he was, forcing his gaze up form the hairless chest it had been looking at and found himself looking into placid, smiling, golden eyes. His captor's hand continued running through his growing brown hair, fingertips lingering now and then extending the caress to his neck and lingering there.

His breathe caught and again, this time consciously, he tried to roll away. It didn't quiet wok with the rather instant arm around his waist keeping him in place and in fact, pulling him even closer than he was before, allowing said arm the opportunity to run up and down his bare spine, fingertips catching on his still marked back. He could feel every muscle in his body, every limb, crying out in sensation to get away from this man. Iruka swallowed; he really, really missed his clothes.

The chest beneath his cheek rumbled as those eyes bore into his, craving and desperate for and at his responses. The smile however, was slightly strained after the dolphin's attempt to get away. After a long moment of watching each other a soft, deep voice, far to gentle for it's owner spoke at last, "Good morning my love. Did you enjoy your rest?"

The delicate, angular face watched him although he must have known Iruka couldn't respond. From the unreasonable high up slits they called windows letting even less light then usual he could tell dawn wasn't even fully upon them. Usually his captors let him rest in the morning, preparing him for the busy and achingly longing day ahead. He looked into this man's face, barley six or seven years his senior, as Kyoshi lay in only a barely tied robe, wondering silently not at the man's words or tension in his tone but of the pale skin framed by pitch long hair. He wondered at plush red lips and long lashes on kohl rimmed eyes. He wondered at a perfect nose and eyebrows and a delicate chin. And all together he wondered how this beauty of a man, gorgeous enough to put any courtier to shame didn't look nearly as feminine as he should with that combination of perfect features.

It really wasn't fair. It had taken Iruka nearly four years of bulking up to mute most of his feminine features his mother had left to him, and here he lay after being 'treated' and groomed for only a few weeks, all that hard work gone. But this man, this evil horrible man who walked and moved with the grace of a courtesan and cut and worked with the precision of a surgeon could destroy any perception of himself as feminine in a heartbeat, despite his use of kohl and courtly robes. It just wasn't fair and Iruka was in no position to ask. Maybe it was the eyes, he reflected. Those golden amber eyes and against all reality had not a trace of warmth except for when they focused in on the dolphin alone. And even there it was a warmth covering a sheltered and leashed monster of controlled and directed madness. He didn't know it then, but he'd seen similar eyes on Mizuki now and then and in the end, it was neither controlled nor leash.

'_Not like you. You must be so much worse, Mizuki didn't know what he was becoming but you, you bastard, you must haveheld it for years…'_

Sharp, focused and golden Kiyoshi's eyes dominated his face, keeping you from seeing the person that should be standing there and forcing you to see Kyoshi. Ibiki himself would be jealous of that alone. Thinking back Iruka almost laughed but the bubble of pain stopped him. Hell Ibiki would be jealous of a lot of things. He'd have to give the man a report later, Kiyoshi was an artist in his craft and had some rather creative ideas Ibiki may want to make use of…if he eve saw the large man again…he owed him lunch…

A strand of his hair was lifted and pulled to where some of Kiyoshi's lay across his shoulder, yanking him from safe, unimportant, sane thoughts. The beautiful man followed the movement breaking his gaze to Iruka's eyes even as he rubbed and twisted their two strands of hair together, seeming to take pleasure in the simple act, the mixing of the back and brown. It was the closest the two had come to a joining act, to Iruka's relief but from what he had been told, what he could remember from the last few sessions, that was supposed to change tonight.

This whole time, a few moments really, the torturer had been waiting for an answer but when he didn't get one from his beloved, sighed and carried on as though he had, dismissing the silence as a sullen response to his fixing his pet's skin yesterday.

"I slept very well pet, after I was done relaxing with Mei. I always do with you curled up and mumbling against me. Absolutely adorable asleep, my Iruka is." He sighed again. "I did have a rather strange dream through love."

He shifted slightly looking into Iruka's eyes again even as his fingers continued to play with their hair. "Shall I tell you pet? I dreamed of that garden you told me about my jewel. Remember?"

He didn't pause for an answer although he did catch Iruka's face as he tried to look away, wanting to smile but knowing how dangerous that would be.

"And the most extraordinary thing, the field of yellow flowers? Well apparently that's right near where we are now, infact you can find it from the spot I took you to for our little picnic while you were still being stubborn. Fancy that." At this point Kyoshi was looking more clearly at Iruka, bedroom eyes replaced with eyes of sharp blades and genjitsu seals.

"I dreamed of walking to that false tree with the triple-fork so high up and dropping into the shoot it hid, remember, you even told me how long to hold my breathe dearest, although it did mean when I landed I'd be winded. And then dearest, the strangest thing…"

Iruka squirmed and whimpered a little as that arm tightened on his still tender ribs and flesh and he heard the sound nearby of the main door of the great room opening, muted behind the curtain over it. The voice was now toying with him, dancing with tone and infliction.

"…not only wee the scrolls there mostly fake or over eighty years old and useless pet, but there were bodies everywhere. Stone nin, well rouge stone nin, the dream was very specific about that my sweet. My employer's men's bodies, lying trapped or slaughtered in the dark of a supposedly empty and sealed Konoha vault, surrounded by ambushed jounin. Isn't that the strangest thing pet?"

He was expecting something Iruka knew, but what even he wasn't certain. Kiyoshi rolled Iruka onto the bed, gentle as he could be and lay a kiss right where his leaf symbol would be when he held his head band. "No one has ever been able to lie to me before love. No one has ever caused this kind of mess. So impressive my Iruka is."

The man sighed, a disappointment in his eyes as he stood. He slipped on his shoes and walked to the door, the clip of his feet against the smooth marble floors and when next he spoke it was to the other at the door. "Prepare Iruka for a serious session. On the kneeling rack, I don't want to have to fix his front again and well, I was going to have to get to his back eventually."

The large, black man, Toshi was already moving to get to him, full chakra bindings and restraints in hand and what little was in Iruka begged to fight, begged to be kept off of the chair or table or chains for _'serious session'_ but he knew he needed it for when that fight failed and he was doing everything to not betray his village. He did not fight Toshi but saw how the man would not meet his eyes today.

The voice came from the door and Iruka could see the cascading black hair being lifted to be tied into a more efficient bun for the day as only a back met his gaze, "They've come to watch today pet. The only thing I can protect is your life. And I am so very disappointed we won't be having our celebration today. I had everything prepared."

The man sighed and walked out. Iruka felt tears begin to pool in his eyes at what was coming.

XXXX

Preview:

Kakashi stepped across the rubble and far away he could hear the dogs barking and howling, trying to dig though to him and there kneeling on a wooded seat, back bare and broken and smiling harshly and not quite there was his Iruka. He swallowed stepping closer.

"Oh yo-you now? N-n-now that's, "he gasped, blood slipping past his lips, "…that' just cruel."

Then the face dropped as the man fell unconscious, and Kakashi couldn't believe what just seen.

XXXX

AN: I was gonna do more but t was post 2day or in a week. So yeah. I'll have to wait till next time to commit my suicide


End file.
